Contemplations

Last night, I had trouble sleeping again. All I wanted was to drift into a deep slumber and have wondrous dreams, but alas, fate always acts contrary to what I desire. As I lay curled up in bed, staring up the equally pitch black ceiling, different sorts of thoughts whirled in my mind. Not entirely pessimistic and evil kinds of contemplations, but they made me somewhat nervous and a bit afraid. I glimpsed of the possible futures, of the plausible things that could take place in less than a year. I tried to envision myself only a few months from now, as opposed to years, or decades, even.

I willed myself to think of what could happen if I decided to venture on a certain course of action. Bracing myself for the awaiting negativity, I tried to be more realistic. It wouldn’t help to think of my goals and aspirations all the time. What I should be pondering about is how I will be able to achieve those things, and to what measures I shall submit myself to. Tiresome and a bit depressing, but that was what I did last night, the whole time I was trying to sleep.

Will I still have desirable grades by the end of the second semester? Will I successfully finish my library research paper? Will I survive SPCM 1 (with me being shy and a terrible speaker)? By June, will I already be a UP Diliman BS Geology student? Will my grades even qualify for the transferring requirements?

Purely academic, as you might have noticed.

It didn’t bother me much whether I wouldn’t be able to read 2 to three books a month starting next year, as I wanted. Or if ever I would be an active student assistant. The most important thing as of the moment was for me to successfully transfer to UP Diliman next academic year. No, don’t get me wrong – nothing is wrong with UP Los Baños nor BS Development Communication. You’d know that, if you’ve read my other entries.

But once more, as I have done in the past, I shall end this entry with a plea:

Please let me be a Geology student next A.Y.