If my thirteen year old self would have the chance to see me now, almost six years later, I think she would be completely dubious of the whole scenario - she would laugh incessantly at the unlikely possibility of pursuing a science degree, of being a student of the most prestigious university in the country, and many more. She would say that perhaps parallel universes do exist, and mine was just this distant and rather improbable future that she would never undertake.
I can't blame her. Even now, I still feel like I'm only trapped inside a lucid dream, that all of these things happening to me are merely a part of my imagination. Believe me when I say I had never ever considered the possibility of being a physics student. Not even in a curious fancy did it occur at the back of my mind.
Dreams of an artistic career
My first dream was to be an architect because I loved drawing, which later evolved into interior designing as I reached my teenage years. I would spend hours in front of the television watching various designing programs at the Lifestyle network. However, when my friend showed me one of the plates of her sister, an interior design student, the reality suddenly assaulted me in the face with a sting. I knew I could never draw like that. I didn't have that kind of talent. Just because of that single seemingly trivial event, I began to dismiss the idea of becoming a designer. Maybe, just maybe, if I hadn't seen that amazing artwork, I'm already an interior design student right now. (Not that I'm blaming her, but really, you can't help thinking of the things that could have been, but didn't.)
But I tested myself. I chose Bachelor of Fine Arts major in Painting as my second choice in the University of Santo Tomas, curious to know whether I'd actually pass the talent test. And boy, did I pass.
Dreams of a writing and a literary career
Aside from being an artist, I have always been a writer, having started at the age of ten. Back then I wrote poetry and a thousand unfinished novels in Filipino, but four years later, I began writing exclusively in English.
When I was twelve years old, I got inspired by a certain Korean drama (and by my sister as well) to become a reporter. For some reason, though, I forgot about this as the beautiful possibility of being an artist when I grew up flooded my mind. But as I said, the said dream immediately disintegrated. It was also during that period when I was starting to become passionate in writing. I realized, hell, why don't I become a writer? I learned that a degree program called BA Creative Writing actually existed in the University of the Philippines-Diliman, and I was so giddy and filled with such intense excitement like never before.
Then, I learned how slim my chances were of being accepted in the prime university, that I made BA Literature a substitute course. After all, it was more prevalent in other universities. Later on, this evolved into journalism. This change was primarily brought about by my mother, who told me that taking up literature would make me poor.
All of this was reflected in some of my course choices later on: AB Literature (first choice in UST), BA Creative Writing (second choice in UP Diliman), and BS Development Communication (first choice in UP Los Baños).
Dreams of a career in the international scene
This dream of mine occupied my mind the same time the two mentioned above were being considered as prospects. I had always been fascinated with learning foreign languages. I was ten years old when I first tried to study a language on my own; back then, it was Japanese. When I was twelve, I formally took Chinese Mandarin lessons for two years. As the years passed by, I also found interest with European languages. In fact, I have bought books on Italian, French, and Spanish. I remember that one summer where I spent the majority of the vacation watching Youtube videos on learning French. It was time well spent. I want to learn Russian too someday.
Because I also loved traveling, I suddenly had this dream of becoming a stewardess. It seemed like the most amazing job. To better aid me in my dream career, I opted to take up a degree in tourism or in travel management. But, judging by the events that transpired in my life thus far, this dream didn't last as well. Good thing I realized that if there was one thing I am not and will never be, it's to be sociable. For someone to become a stewardess, she needs a pleasing personality and a gift of gab - two things I so obviously lacked.
Discovering geology
I think I discovered that BS Geology existed the summer before my fourth year high school. I was browsing through the courses in the UPCAT form, and somehow this caught my eye. Of course I had a smattering about what geology was, but it was too rare a course that it made me somewhat interested. I began surfing the internet to learn more about the program, and I was stunned.
It was the course that I had been looking for all my life.
I was eleven years old when I stumbled upon something on my science book: paleontologist. There was a short description of its work and I fell in love with it almost immediately. Later on, I thought it was under archaeology, so I told my mom I wanted to pursue that course when I grew up. Once more, though, she told me I had no future as an archaeologist. As simple as that, I had already swiftly dismissed the idea.
In my free time too, I'd find myself burying my head in the library, reading about nature, about the earth, and a great deal about volcanoes.
Since that fateful day in summer, I vowed to myself that I would become a geologist no matter what.
Deciding my future
So my fourth year of high school finally arrived.
I took entrance exams in three schools, namely (my course choices are also stated):
1. University of the Philippines
Diliman: BS Geology, BA Creative Writing
Los Baños: BS Development Communication, BA Communication Arts
2. University of Santo Tomas: AB Literature, BFA-Painting
3. Mapua Institute of Technology: BS Geological Engineering & Geology, BS Geology
I qualified for both UST and Mapua. For the latter, I was even chosen for the E.T. Yuchengco scholarship, though I only learned about this during the following summer, when I had already dismissed the idea of studying in the said school. I took the exam in UST, as I've said, mainly as a challenge for my skills.
Anyway, during my fourth year highschool, while I had been telling everyone who asked that I planned to study in Mapua, deep inside it was killing me because I wanted nothing but UP. I had been surfing the internet on numerous stories regarding the university and I fell in love with it, so much so that I began to tell myself, "UP or nothing." However, I didn't trust myself enough and I knew it was implausible for someone like me to qualify there.
January came.
And I actually passed.
But instead of rejoicing, I found myself silently weeping. I didn't make the cut for UP Diliman. What about my dreams of becoming a geologist? Nevertheless, I chose UPLB (BS Development Communication) over Mapua because I wanted to be a UP student. Only that.
First year as a UP student
If you've been following my blog, I suppose you already know this story. About 25% of my blog revolves around this. It would be too tiresome to narrate everything, so let me just give you the gist. Basically, it went like this: for the entire first semester, I was keen on transferring to UP Diliman the next academic year. However, during the start of the semestral break, I thought that perhaps DevCom might not be too bad after all. Thus I decided to stay.
Or so I thought.
All of a sudden my desire to become a science major rushed in again. My dreams of studying in UP Diliman as a geology student came back. And it stayed like that for the rest of the second semester, and the majority of the summer.
Becoming a physics major
When I was processing my papers for transferring to UP Diliman, I only applied for one college, College of Science. My course choices went like this (in order): BS Geology, BS Applied Physics, and BS Physics. It's pretty funny how the remaining two courses ended up like that. I think the main reason is, those are the only two courses wherein I could apply, since I didn't come from a science course. Perhaps, if the National Institute of Physics was stricter with the requirements, I wouldn't be what I am right now. Oh, the possibilities.
When I chose those two, I was planning to shift to BS Geology right after the next academic year. The idea of being a physics major terrified me, although I'd admit, it actually seemed pretty cool and amazing. During the summer, I spent some of my time reviewing my high school physics, because I thought such questions might arise in the interview. During that time, I seemed to have forgotten my interest for geology. While I was in fourth year, I never seriously studied for my physics exams, but when I studied then, I was thoroughly astonished, thinking that I wanted to master the so-called "most basic of all sciences" one day. Even more so, I thought it was utterly amazing to be able to perform all those calculations and mathematical manipulations, to spend hours just trying to solve one problem, and so on (or so I thought).
I was under the impression that physics was one of the most difficult degree programs, but then again, I thought that maybe I could survive if I studied hard. I considered shifting to BS Applied Physics in UPLB, primarily because of the Astrophysics lab. If there was a streak of being a scientist in me back when I was still young, I think it would be attributed to my love for dinosaurs and astronomy. Anyway, when I was comparing the curriculum of Applied Physics between UPLB and UPD, I thought the latter was much cooler.
Then came the orientation and interview.
If I remember correctly, the interview for physics came first, though it wasn't really an interview, in the truest sense of the word. We were merely given sheets of paper with several questions, most of them were multiple choice. I answered everything honestly, and when I say honestly, I really mean it. There was this question, and it went on like this: "If you got accepted here in NIP, do you plan to shift to another course?" Underneath, there was a statement written which said that we just had to be honest and they wouldn't be prejudiced, regardless of our answer. I believed them, and I admitted I planned to shift. Yes, I was still so intent on becoming a geology student.
A couple of days later, the orientation for geology finally arrived. The entire time, all my hopes of being a geologist disintegrated, and I upbraided myself for the stupid idea of believing I was qualified. There were over hundreds of aspirants back then, and only twenty five would be accepted. I basically had no chance. All of a sudden, I realized it. It was so simple.
I could never be a geologist (aside from the aforementioned reasons, there were personal reasons too that I kept on trying to ignore). I realized the best option for me was to take up physics.
Just like that, I realized that I wanted to be a physics student.
But it wasn't easy to try reaching that goal.
First of all, I already told you about my messed-up "interview" for physics. Then, to make things worse, I didn't have a back-up plan. I failed to process the papers for shifting to applied physics in UPLB. It's an understatement if I say that I couldn't sleep every night and that I was always haunted by the grim possibilities that awaited me. I was pretty depressed, even my parents were begging me to be more cheerful.
You know how it all ended up, of course.
Despite everything, NIP gave me a chance and accepted me as a physics student.
And from there, my journey started.
