Worst day ever.

Yes, you read the title right. Last semester, I dubbed a particular day as the worst as well, but today is taking it on a wholly different level. In fact, I have a feeling this won't end up to this day only. Monday has been very mean to me as well. So would Wednesday through Friday be, I'm certain.

Okay. Although I'm aware no one really visits and read my blog, I won't share the details of what transpired this day, and more particularly, how I felt about them. It would be too dangerous, lest anyone I know suddenly stumbled upon my blog.

What's making everything even worse is that my heart problem or whatever that I had about five years ago is coming back, in the most untimely moment. All of a sudden I would find it very hard to catch my breath, my heart is palpitating...I'm basically breathless. It can be very terrifying sometimes, I'm telling you. And - I know this will sound so weird and overly dramatic - sometimes I'd have this feeling like I'm about to die or something. God. I'm so messed up.

While I was still at school, I wanted so bad to write and my imagination was overflowing and I had about a thousand ideas for short stories. I wanted to cry and try to find some space and breathe, breathe, breathe...to stay away from people and read a good book or drink a warm cup of coffee. Apparently my options were so limited. I had a practical exam in the org I was applying for so I just couldn't try to refrain from "socializing". I just wanted to avoid people then. Even worse, someone said a bad thing straight to my face because I was being "maarte" or something. I don't know. I hate everything. I want to give up. I wanted to cry but I had classes. I tried to text some of my friends and give a hint that I was feeling bad and needed someone to talk to, but I was merely made fun of. God. Really, no one can actually comfort you when you're in need, no one can really help so I might as well shut up and keep things to myself. That's something I learned from high school. I have to bear that in mind always.

Worst day ever?

I think not.

There's still tomorrow, apparently.