Failure

Okay. Breathe. Calm down. It's not the end of the world.

But the sensation is so new to me that I can't help feeling depressed, as if there isn't any chance anymore for me to recover. A day has already passed, but still I can't move on and try to forget about it. Pray tell, what am I supposed to do to feel better?

Relax. Okay.

I failed an exam. Sure, I already failed one before, but it was only a GE subject; and somehow, a miracle happened and I managed to get a flat uno when the sem ended. But this time, it's a different story. Suffice it to say that this is probably the first time that this has ever happened to me.

I know I studied. I spent hours in the library skimming through the thick hardbound book until my back ached, until I had grown sleepy. However, I do know one thing as well - I kind of crammed for two days or so, which I hardly did anymore ever since I reached college. And heck, chemistry really isn't the type of subject that someone like me should cram. I have absolutely zero idea about chemistry when I entered UP Diliman as a physics major. Stupid, stupid me. Not that I'm putting the blame to someone else, but I know too that the org application as affected this sudden turn of events. 

The score in my first exam was average, and that is not making me confident at all. When the sem started, I was aiming for at least a dos, but now that goal seems too far-fetched. 

To make things worse, it's our second long examination in physics a while ago, and I had quite a lot of careless mistakes it's beginning to stress me out. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not really molded to be a scientist. What a waste of effort, time, and money.I really felt like dropping out of college yesterday. Exaggerated, I know. But if you never failed an exam you wouldn't know the feeling.

However, if there is one positive thing that emerged out of this problem, it's that I suddenly came to value my studies even more. The "me" at the beginning of the semester was returning, back then majority of the time I would study nightly for the lesson that day. Admittedly, that habit has wholly vanished when 2014 came - I'd go to Chem 16 class without having studied at all, despite the fact that we have a DG (quiz) that day. I never understood anything about the lessons until I started studying for the exam. I know it's my fault. For one thing, I really never listened to the lecture class and would end up napping or doodling or writing.

Lesson learned. 

A while ago, the change in me has come. For the first time ever, I reviewed the previous lecture, so I would come prepared to class tomorrow. In fact, I might as well study in advance.

P.S. Good thing the standing in Math 54 came out and it gave me a burst of hope. My standing is 1.00. And the most ironic thing is that, I rarely study for this subject. It's time to change that, though, before I regret in the end.