The Perks of Being an Introvert

Being an introvert really sucks big time, I'm telling you. Sure enough, in certain instances, it has its own advantages. A lot of people I know, of course, are aware of my introversion. It can be a fairly handy excuse whenever I don't attend parties, skip the class gatherings, and so on. But I can say that only my closer friends would be understanding enough; some could never comprehend the whole thing, primarily because they haven't the slightest notion of what it really is to be an introvert. Indeed, it can save you from a lot of trouble at times - instead of going to some celebration, I could just stay at home and read a good book, or listen to music. I never had problems with having to remain quiet for hours. I could bear that. I'm the type who has a pretty wild imagination as well: my mind is never idle. Furthermore, I never complain about being bored as hell when I'm alone. Being in solitude actually offers me a wide range of things to do, most of which I cannot enjoy when I have company.

However, as is obvious, I don't love this attitude of mine all the time. It stresses me, it drags down my already relatively low confidence, it makes me anxious . . . and all the other emotions I wish I can avoid, but never could. In a way, it's perfectly understandable, though. Occurrences such as these would only happen whenever I'm with people, or would have to try utterly hard to socialize. It never stops, it happens everyday, it happens all the time. It haunts me in my sleep. Unfortunately, some moments would be even worse than others. I would end up secluding myself, wishing I could go home, wishing I could write all my emotions down on a sheet of paper, wishing I could cry to release all this sadness. 

Perhaps today would be the first for the year 2014. No doubt, it annoys me to even think about my sheer awkwardness, my damnable introversion, my intense shyness, and everything else despicable about myself. I often wish I could turn back time and try to be more sanguine, greeting the elderly always, befriending everyone, smiling all the time. 

I wish I could. I really do.

But it's too late now.