To this or to that?

My mind is a muddle. The first semester is nearing its demise, and yet I still have not fully decided as to which path to pursue. While I was already wholly determined and quite infallible during the beginning of June, my mind began to be more and more of a mess as the months flew by.

So what am I talking about?

Pretty much clichéd stuff – my uncertainty as to whether I should simply continue with DevCom or transfer to Diliman, the latter being the original plan. As you can see, BS Geology was my first course choice in UPD and DevCom in UPLB. Although by then I considered DevCom only as an option, there was, of course, a sensible reason as to why it was written in my UPCAT form. After all, I love writing – it’s something I can’t go on a day without, quite literally. I’ll give a brief overview, for the sake of clarity.

By April 2011, I was already completely prepared to jot down BA Journalism first thing the moment I got hold of the UPCAT form. Then weeks later, I learned that there actually was a degree in Geology. How I had rejoiced then! In actuality, it was the sort of thing that I fell in love with even as a child – sort of what I had been wanting all those years. I was utterly obsessed with the earth, if I might say. And I remember fiddling through the pages of earth science books while I was in elementary. After doing a bit of a research, I was firm and resolute: I would take up Geology, no matter what. And in UP, nowhere else.

Then came the UPCAT 2012 result on January 18, 2012. Honestly, albeit I was telling everyone that I definitely would not pass such a difficult entrance examination, I will admit that deep inside, I knew I had a chance, and I knew that UP was the only college that I would want to be studying in. But when I saw the following words beside my name, I cried very hard then: UP LOS BANOS – BS DEVELOPMENT COMMUNICATION.

What happened to my plans of studying Geology?

I was devastated. My only source of solace was that I could transfer the next academic year if I strived hard – and of course I knew I would; that need not be said. And although I already passed Geology on another university, I immediately put it out of the question since UP was all I want, regardless of the fact that I was offered a special scholarship there. Now I wonder if what I did was the right decision. But then again, I realized that I would forever be wondering and regretting if I did not study at UP, so it probably was the only proper thing that I could have done.

Thus the first semester started. I took up NASC2, and with the said course I became even more and more enthralled with the wonders of the earth; and when we attended a symposium wherein the PHIVOLCS director (who was a UP Geology graduate, I might as well add) shared his knowledge and expertise, my desire to transfer reached the extreme. And because of my excellent performance in the said course, I knew that I could study Geology – it was something that I loved, after all, so perhaps it ought to account for something.

But as I’ve mentioned earlier, as the months passed, I became really confused. Slowly, I was beginning to see DevCom in a new light. Having a more comprehensive understanding of it made me really appreciate DevCom and see its own glimmer.

Perhaps I should present matters in a more organized way.

Why I should pursue DevCom:

1. I love to write, that’s basically the root of all these dilemmas.

2. Yes, I am deeply in love with science. And in DevCom I can have the best of both worlds – study science and actually even write about it.

3. With DevCom I can also be an advocate of the environment.

4. The community visit that we had made me desire this deep inside me: that I wanted to help those people in the community in the best way that I could.

5. With some of the DevCom courses I can do the other things that I love – photography, video production, visual designs, and so on.

6. I like going to various places, especially those that are rarely visited – rural sites, provinces, etc. In short, I love traveling.

Some of things making me think twice:

1. I am not a good speaker. I tremble whenever I’d have to hold a microphone. I shudder at the idea of having to speak in front of a large crowd. My mind goes blank when I do have to address such a massive amount of people (and yes, for me 10 people is a massive amount). And even more so, I don’t think I would make quite an interesting speaker.

2. What jobs will I have after I graduate? In a certain online forum, I remember someone responding to my post with this: “I had several DevCom friends, and although it is easy to find jobs after they graduated, they had regrets because it was hard to find a nice paying job.” It is easy to question the legitimacy of this, of course. How much does a nice paying job correspond to? I don’t really aim for a six figure, but I do want to help my family and feed myself in the future.

In addition to that, I want to hear from an actual DevCom graduate – what the opportunities are, what the nature of the work is, etc, etc. You could say that there are the textbooks in DEVC, but I find those somewhat inadequate. I need to hear the words come out of an actual alumnus of the program.

3. The third point would be quite ridiculous, but I will honestly say that it bothers me. Many people have mentioned that I don’t seem quite fitting to be a DevCom student. That is, they find me too shy and quiet. Not that there is something I can do about my introversion, but it still makes me think twice. Do I really have to be garrulous, talkative, cheerful, sociable, etc, to be considered a true DevCom student? Or this: with my personality, can I be a development communicator?

Why I should pursue Geology:

1. This is a dream long hidden and desired inside me.

2. For the nth time, I am passionate about the earth and the environment.

3. When I grew up, I can vividly see myself having a career as a field geologist. And in fact, one of the reasons why I was so intent on taking this up was that I really wanted to study the seismic activities in the country – inform and make the people more knowledgeable about the said topic (i.e., its hazards). And also this country’s volcanic state.

4. Yes, I love to write. And I can still do that even though I am a geologist. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be able to experience the life of a geologist if I would pursue DevCom.

5. I have always wanted to have a science and math related degree – two things that I would always want to be involved in, two things that I would always want to remember. (A bit abstract, but I cannot wield it more appropriately into words.)

6. With Geology too, I will have an endless opportunity for travel.

Why I shouldn’t pursue Geology:

1. My one year experience here in UPLB would come to waste (Not what you might think; I really appreciate the learning and other things I’ve had, but I’ve heard that I would have to repeat first year, no subject credited. I am yet to verify this, though.).

2. Geology has multitudes and mountains of math and chemistry courses. I am quite fine with math, but I have only a few ideas about calculus, etc. since this was not a part of our curriculum, it being offered only as an elective. (Yes, the lamentable state of my high school is really a cause of alarm.) And also, our Chemistry was very poorly taught. That being the case, would I have a passing grade in those subjects? Or to be more precise, will I survive in this program?

Perhaps there are more reasons, but those are the only ones that I can think of now. I am seriously confused – I should have a firm decision as of the moment, but I swear I cannot decide. Admittedly, I’m not the kind of person who unceasingly seeks for an advice. I prefer to solve my own problems. Not that it was how I wanted the things to be, but I’ve already been accustomed with that manner of dealing with problems, and I am somewhat uncomfortable with disclosing my troubles to people, even to my close friends.

But now, well, it is quite obvious that I need some – if not an exact advice – a few words or insights. When I would ask some of my friends, all that they would say is that I follow my heart. My heart likes both, so how will that be? And while I am very grateful to my mom for being supportive in whatever course I would eventually pursue, it’s still not quite helpful since she’s not giving me some ideas.

I would appreciate some words from anyone credible – a devcom student, a devcom graduate, a geology student, a geology graduate – or just from anyone in general. Thank you. Oh, and by the way, if you took some of your time to actually read my rant, I offer you my deepest gratitude.