High School

Last night, my friend said, "I really regret it right now. I wish I was able to spend my free time in high school wisely, doing the things that I enjoy but couldn't do now in college."

I thought about this. I suppose I couldn't really say the same thing for myself. I would admit, I was very lazy when I was still a high school student: I never studied after classes; most of the time I would do my assignments the morning before I go to school, or when I was already in school; I would only study for an exam the day before it, and so on. All I did then was read a bunch of books (Who on earth would regret doing this?). I was actually scolded more than once for being caught reading a novel while the teacher was discussing in front. Shame, I know, but hey - I loved every minute of it. Aside from that, I would spend hours surfing the net, watching anime, and reading manga. I always had something to do, and the majority of those stuff were unrelated to academics. I would practice playing the violin, I would continue writing my novel, I would start on a new story, etcetera. In a way, I was quite productive for a highschooler.

I miss those times. I haven't resumed writing my novel for almost a year now. Back when I was still a UPLB student during the first semester, I made sure that I would write at least a chapter a week, or every two weeks. I was very motivated, I was being a creative writer once again. But today, I don't think I'm capable of pulling off such a feat, what with the tedious and stressing second semester.

I absolutely miss watching anime continuously, as if there weren't tomorrow. I was very updated back then; but now, I am so behind several series, so much so that my brother seems to be more of an otaku than I am. I have copied a lot of animes from him, but whether I'd have the time to watch them or not is still the question.

I need to start now: watch one episode of Kuroko no Basuke, despite the fact that I still have to study for physics and math. I need something to cheer me up.

The Perks of Being an Introvert

Being an introvert really sucks big time, I'm telling you. Sure enough, in certain instances, it has its own advantages. A lot of people I know, of course, are aware of my introversion. It can be a fairly handy excuse whenever I don't attend parties, skip the class gatherings, and so on. But I can say that only my closer friends would be understanding enough; some could never comprehend the whole thing, primarily because they haven't the slightest notion of what it really is to be an introvert. Indeed, it can save you from a lot of trouble at times - instead of going to some celebration, I could just stay at home and read a good book, or listen to music. I never had problems with having to remain quiet for hours. I could bear that. I'm the type who has a pretty wild imagination as well: my mind is never idle. Furthermore, I never complain about being bored as hell when I'm alone. Being in solitude actually offers me a wide range of things to do, most of which I cannot enjoy when I have company.

However, as is obvious, I don't love this attitude of mine all the time. It stresses me, it drags down my already relatively low confidence, it makes me anxious . . . and all the other emotions I wish I can avoid, but never could. In a way, it's perfectly understandable, though. Occurrences such as these would only happen whenever I'm with people, or would have to try utterly hard to socialize. It never stops, it happens everyday, it happens all the time. It haunts me in my sleep. Unfortunately, some moments would be even worse than others. I would end up secluding myself, wishing I could go home, wishing I could write all my emotions down on a sheet of paper, wishing I could cry to release all this sadness. 

Perhaps today would be the first for the year 2014. No doubt, it annoys me to even think about my sheer awkwardness, my damnable introversion, my intense shyness, and everything else despicable about myself. I often wish I could turn back time and try to be more sanguine, greeting the elderly always, befriending everyone, smiling all the time. 

I wish I could. I really do.

But it's too late now.

Dreams and Inspirations

Due to the thoroughly stressing academics in my previous semester, I was not able to "fangirl" as often as I used to. For the first month, sure, I was able to read some manga, but I couldn't go on because I was too busy, trying to keep up with my demanding workload. However, I managed to be productive in terms of my literary side. Despite everything, I was able to read eight novels for the first semester (all of which are classics). I also had several realizations and epiphany, thanks to my GE class, English 11. Taking that subject up was one of the best things I could have done - it reminded me of the things I loved but I had neglected as years passed by. Thanks to that course, I was able to revive my passion in poetry. And it is with much pride that I shall tell you how enormously I have improved in writing that form of literature.

Since my first semester in UP Diliman was dedicated to that aspect of my life, I decided to focus this time on my "fangirling" tendencies. The flame inside me strengthened this Christmas, wherein I watched Japanese dramas and read manga. Before, I was utterly certain that I would take up Spanish this summer (because I really want to be able to read Marquez, or Neruda, or Fuentes, etc, in that language). Although Nihonggo was my first love, I was able to put it aside in my mind for a while because of the strong influence literature has imparted on me (I am a huge fan of Latin-American lit). But, as you might have guessed, that plan has changed. This summer, I will take up Japanese from the UP Department of Linguistics. In fact, it has been a massive motivation for me to study for physics during the vacation. 

Why?

Learning the Japanese language opens a lot of opportunities, that not need be said. Not only will it cater to my intense addiction to anime, manga, and Jdrama, it can be the way for me to pursue one of my dreams: to study in Japan. Whenever I would take a break from studying, I would visit the website of Tokyo University . . . And all of a sudden, I would feel very giddy. Of course, I doubt I will be studying to such a prestigious school, but goodness, as long as it's in Japan, I'm content. It could be an exchange student program (albeit I don't really think someone like me will be chosen), or perhaps my masters. To be able to fulfill this yume though, the first step is to learn the language. Every year, I will formally study Nihonggo until I have exhausted the extramural classes from the Department of Linguistics. I would practice by listening to Japanese music (which I already do), and by watching anime or drama. I really, really want to watch a series in Japanese dub! That would be amazing.

Aside from that, one thing to further my fangirling is to watch anime frequently, or to read manga. I have copied numerous series from my brother and I would really try to slip in some time to watch an episode or two before I sleep. Currently, I am watching Kuroko no Basuke; yes, I know, I'm such a failure for only watching it now, but I was completely behind being an otaku last year, as you are aware of. It's a very good thing to motivate me to study, because, at the end of the day, despite all the hardship and my effort, I know I will have something great to look forward to.

Ephemeral

I find it frightening the way time flies by so quickly. It was December last year when I christened this blog; back then I did not have exams to worry about, no formulas to memorize. Although I was thoroughly stressed out by the heavy paper works and journalism stuff, I still had time to read books and blog often. I would admit, I miss that sort of carefree lifestyle. But then again, I do not regret the decision that I have made, no matter how difficult it is, and no matter how demanding it can be.

In less than a week or so, classes will finally resume. I'm terrified; I do not think I'm prepared for my first exam ever in Physics here in UP Diliman. I was solving tons of problem for the last chapter before I turned to blogging. I miss writing. I don't even have enough time for sleeping during school days, what more for creative writing? All I ever write these days are technical reports and the very minimal reflection papers for my only GE subject for this semester, Kas 1. I'm hoping that I will do well in my Physics 101 exam; I need something to boost my confidence, which has definitely dropped ever since I met my fellow Physics classmates for the first time (most of whom are comprised of DOST scholars, science high school graduate, and a few Oblation scholars). It can be very distressing when you are surrounded by such brilliant minds, when you know that you are just a normal student.

Good thing I really love Physics, although several instances it makes we want to cry. But once you are able to solve a certain problem, the kind of joy and satisfaction it can provide you is so immense and amazing. That is the thing with science and math. It is probably one of the reasons that I still strive even if it seems implausible for me to solve that certain number. I have my rough times though, and admittedly, a few weeks before the Christmas break, I spent one Saturday moping and being depressed just because I could not solve one of the numbers in our problem set. I knew the answer (courtesy of the answer key at the back of the book), and yet I couldn't fathom how it arrived to that. No matter what I did, I just couldn't even get at least one step right. I really believed I was the stupidest Physics student then. I had no  any will left anymore. I was seriously considering shifting out of the program to pursue my frustration, either BA European Languages or BA Linguistics. Good thing some of my friends were there to talk to me, and little by little I was able to recover. I took Physics aside for a while and began studying for Chemistry.

The next day, I learned that theformula for the Atwood's machine actually exists, and the only thing left for me to do is a little derivation. I almost smacked my head for my idiocy. Upon acquiring the equations, I was able to arrive at the correct answer. Yes, I was the happiest kid that day--all my desire of quitting Physics evaporated, and I vowed to myself that I will push this through, no matter what, no matter how difficult it is.

Another inspiration for me is astronomy. I'm currently applying in UP AstroSoc. And to be honest, astronomy is one of the main reasons why I decided to major in physics (with quantum mechanics as the other, plus watching a bunch of physics and chemistry related documentary). Every time I feel like giving up, I just look up and gaze at the stars, with the vastness of the universe slowly consuming me. It's enough reason to go on.

Selected Tales by Edgar Allan Poe

SELECTED TALES ★★★☆☆

by EDGAR ALLAN POE 

"I blush, I burn, I shudder, while I pen the damnable atrocity."

I bought this book more than four years ago, but it is only a few days ago that I decided to read it completely. Sure, I've read some of the stories, but only about five or so. I have always loved The Black Cat and The Tell-Tale Heart, the latter I read for at least five times. I will first present my individual ratings of the stories (the rating three stars for the book would be the average):

The Duc De L'Omelette ★☆☆☆☆
MS. Found in a Bottle ★★☆☆☆
The Assignation ★★★☆☆
Ligeia ★★★★☆
How to Write a Blackwood Article ★★★☆☆
The Fall of the House of Usher ★★★★☆
William Wilson ★★★★★
The Murders in the Rue Morgue ★★★★★
A Descent into the Maelstrom ★☆☆☆☆
The Island of the Fay ★☆☆☆☆
The Colloquy of Monos and Una ★★☆☆☆
The Oval Portrait ★★★★★
The Masque of the Red Death ★★★☆☆
The Mystery of Marie Roget ★★☆☆☆
The Pit and the Pendulum ★★★★☆
The Tell-Tale Heart ★★★★★
The Gold-Bug ★★★☆☆
The Black Cat ★★★★★
The Premature Burial ★★★★☆
The Purloined Letter ★★★★★
The Imp of the Perverse ★★☆☆☆
The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar ★★★★☆
The Cask of Amontillado ★★★★☆
The Domain of Arnheim ★☆☆☆☆
Von Kempelen and His Discovery ★★★☆☆

I really like the way Poe wrote - it was almost like poetry, especially the way he manipulated the words and juxtaposed them. His style was very lyrical and personal, and as a reader, I felt really drawn to the minds of the characters, as though I could see the workings of their minds through the writing. In a way, it was also reminiscent of the "stream-of-consciousness" style. That being said, I preferred it when he wrote in the first-person, so much so that in Ligeia, although it was primarily narration, I wasn't bored. His protagonists' voice were distinct as well.

He had this annoying habit though of lapsing into rantings and ramblings, as was seen in A Descent into the Maelstrom, The Island of the Fay, and The Imp of the Perverse. Furthermore, I struggled in some of the stories (including the three mentioned) because I was confused the entire time. It was greatly exemplified in The Duc De L'Omelette. I didn't know which was which, and who was talking to who. In my opinion, it was a terrible decision to place it at the very beginning.

I like Poe best as a horror writer, then detective, and least would be as a science-fiction writer. The MS. in a Bottle wasn't really that bad, but as a piece of science-fiction, it didn't stand out. However, The Murders in the Rue Morgue was absolutely amazing. His fictional detective, Dupin, was a genius and was quite memorable.

Need I say more about him as a horror writer? I found Ligeia to be predictable, but still, the amount of terror in the story still managed to make my hair rise at the end, especially because of the last sentence. As I've mentioned, I've read The Tell-Tale Heart numerous times before, and whenever I did, it always chilled me to the bone. The narrator's voice was so memorable, and it gave an accurate picture of the protagonist's character. He claimed that he wasn't a madman, but through the writing, every inch portrayed his insanity. The tone was darkly sarcastic, another indication of his madness. I admire Poe's usage of clear and specific imagery to draw in the readers to the scene.

I wouldn't say that reading Poe is an enjoyable experience. It isn't. His stories are disturbing, haunting, and frightening. It makes you wonder about how the human minds work, and how the author could capture the madness of his protagonists so accurately if he weren't mad himself. Read at least The Black Cat and The Tell-Tale Heart - if those aren't enough to make your hair rise in terror, I don't know what would.

What course, then?

I haven't blogged for a long time, have I? It's half-past midnight, and I am supposed to be studying for the upcoming exam or sleeping, but let me talk a little about what has transpired in my uninteresting life.

Saying that I had been busy this summer seems like a huge understatement. Sure enough, all I did was stay at home and bury myself in books and anime...but there was definitely more to that. The whole time I was immersed in a fairly emotionally draining experience as the first semester loomed and I still wasn't sure what my course (or my campus) would be. Every night I would have a hard time sleeping, and my dreams would be filled by the notion of me studying in UP Diliman. 

And where am I now?

Fate has been absolutely kind to me, thank goodness! I am officially a student at the University of the Philippines-Diliman!

From the middle of May onwards, I was beginning to be preoccupied with focusing on my papers and all those things. I only filed a transfer application at the College of Science; my course choices are the following: BS Geology, BS Applied Physics, and BS Physics. By then I was still filled with my intense desire to be a geology student. However, when we attended its orientation on the 10th of May, my dreams seemed to be shattered. My eyes were opened, and I was able to see things in a new light. Imagine this: out of the 110 applicants, only the top 25 will be chosen. I virtually had no chance - I didn't have a very high GWA, I didn't come from a science course, and I am merely a transferee from UP Los Banos; basically, my chances were fairly low. 

During the orientation, we were shown the usual stuff. I already knew what the geologists are studying and what they are doing. However, it was as though that at that time, the reality assaulted me: while I loved what they are studying, can I even survive the course physically? I knew the answer was a big no. I was beginning to consider the possibility of studying Applied Physics/ Physics if I were to be accepted. Unfortunately, I didn't seem to have better chances there, either.

TO BE CONTINUED

Review of "City of Fallen Angels" by Cassandra Clare

The City of Fallen Angels is the fourth book in The Mortal Instruments series. One would notice how considerably thinner it is than the former installments. Unfortunately though, the book in its entirety disappoints because some aspects were lacking. With lesser number of pages than the other books, one would be under the impression that the story would progress quickly, but on the contrary, the book was not fast-paced enough; leaving the readers wondering what the main problem really was, and what the installment is all about in general.

Like its predecessor, City of Glass, the book focused on the concept of love, but it delved into it more deeply. While most of the time it was about romantic love, friendship became another element. One would also notice that there is a different tone in this novel, as compared to the former three - it is a new approach that seemed rather foreign but worked quite well nonetheless.

While the earlier installments were more edging as "plot-driven," City of Fallen Angels took a brave step forward and became "character-driven." That is, the protagonists would be stuck in the moment where they would have to make decisions that could either be beneficial or harmful. That is why, while the novel seemed to beat around the bush and that it did not appear to go straight into the point, the dilemmas and new encounters the narrators would experience made the book riveting and somehow, a page-turner.

It is commendable how much the characters had developed and matured. Just at the first chapter, readers would catch a glimpse of how much Simon had evolved; not only his looks had changed due to "vampirism," but also himself as a person due to the experiences he had gone through. He still had smudges of his humor and sarcasm, but it was pretty evident how tremendously he had matured. The same goes for Jace, who, at the earlier books, was already beginning to show traces of his more vulnerable side. His voice in this novel was fairly emotional, and we readers would be tapped in his inner struggles against himself and the forces that try to break him. It is rather unfortunate, however, that Clary, the lead character, remained who she was, with hardly any improvement - she was still prone to impulsiveness, and the like. But then again, those traits perhaps were the ones that made her who she was.

With so much twists and surprises presented already in the three books, one might be under the impression that there would be no such thing anymore in the City of Fallen Angels, but Cassandra Clare still had a lot under her sleeves that would never fail to impress, and would leave the readers deeply astonished by the sudden turn of events and unexpected revelations.

However, despite the four stars that I gave, I would admit that this book has thoroughly disappointed me. I was expecting more from this particular installment, but the excitement was not able to come to me immediately - perhaps it never arrived - unlike the magic the City of Glass was able to conjure. 

SPOILERS AHEAD

 
I'm mighty proud of myself: this is my first attempt at an actual review, and I think it's not terrible for a first.

I'm really glad that Simon and Jace became in good terms with one another, that they were already friends. That time at the City of Ashes when Jace realized it was Simon who was calling and not Clary, his coldness at the latter was disheartening. For some reasons, I was happy they became friends.

Furthermore, I love Simon in this book, especially the fact that the story was seen in his point of view a lot of times. Sure enough, I liked him before, but I like him better now, perhaps even more than Jace.

What surprised me very much was the fact that Kyle was Jordan. I thought nothing could surprise me further. And I was torn between the idea of thinking whether he really was the bad guy or the good one. Fortunately, he was an ally.

There's very little that I've got to say in this personal notes of the book, I think I've already mentioned everything in my spoiler-free review.