Misery

I feel wretched.

I can’t help wondering why people like those even exist in this planet. A planet such as Earth which is already filled with hate, lies and betrayal. A place that acts much like a prison cell, entrapping you inside until you reach your bursting point, after trying to keep all the stinging sentiments to yourself. The inevitable misery, eh? Why, why do they have to subsist by your side when all that they’ll give you is pain? That sort of pain that cannot be removed by any method, the one that is etched on your heart for the rest of your life. Forever, in short. They aren’t doing things to you directly, and yet you can feel that the dark motive is there—it is pretty evident; they treat other people in such a charming sort of way, but if it is you, the treatment will be hideous. They won’t yell at your face, kick you or something equally blunt. But if you’re someone like me—a person who, most of the time, prefers to think than to speak—you’ll realize how pertinent every single details can be, that each action might convey a hidden meaning: one that will only cause you to sadden. I’m not being hit by paranoia, just so you know. If ever you thought of that, then I guess you don’t experience what I’m feeling. How lucky of you, then, if that’s the case.

I just don’t understand them, period. And I guess that they will never understand me too, because if they did, they would have been better individuals in my eyes.

They are the kind of people that just make you feel plainly miserable. The kind that hinders you to fulfill your aspiration.

Miserable.

I guess that’s the word. Forgive me, I can’t explain any better than that. Because if I even try, I’m afraid I just might say something unpleasant, which I try to avoid as much as possible if I can.

Oh, how wretched I feel right now.

I’m not talking about several persons. No, not one either.

I’m not going to tell. Go figure.

The Weighted Pain

 One that makes your heart beat faster, sting with a sharp sensation, the heavy feeling… 

The suffering.

Why do people treat me this way? I’m getting tired of it, you know. I’m human too, I’ve got a heart, not a stone. Every word you say, every mocking laugh you produce gleefully pains me. That sort of look in your face as you ridicule me, do you know how it makes me feel? Stupid. I feel stupid for being unable to protect myself. I mean, why should I let a pathetic person such as you treat me this way? Oh, then again, perchance I am the futile one, since I cannot defend myself against you. Well, I’d rather not. Who are you that I’d waste my breath, my voice, my saliva? You’re not supposed to be talked to. Yes, you’re popular with almost every single person in school, but who the hell cares? I don’t give a damn with your fame. That doesn’t give you the right to treat me the way you do. You’re shameful. Go learn a life.

I hate school at this time of the year.

School was unimaginably boring, period. I figure that’s all you’ve got to know, since in reading that reasonable statement of mine, you’d immediately be able to make a mental image of what is on my mind. Pressure and sheer hassles enveloped our blazing day; the mere possibility that you might not take the future examination should you let your ennui overpower you was disturbing in itself. Fighting something that you cannot see is way harder than one can possibly think. Do you get that irking sensation when humidity combined with chaos strike at the same time? That tiresome activity of fanning yourself with a useless piece of paper to relieve the heat until your arms became sore, only to aggravate your annoyance? It’s futile, and that’s what’s making everything worse.

Done ranting.

I thus conclude: heat plus pressure (Uh, no, I’m not talking about a protolith being transformed into a metamorphic rock…) equals pure irritation.

Thank You

Hey there. I don’t think you’re ever going to read this; but you might come across this particular page. If ever you do, well, good luck. Change, at least? It’s not that difficult, considering that I managed to do it. I have altered my perception of you and I came to the realization of how rotten you are becoming. I mean, come on, have a life. Well, it’s your choice. In the end it’d be you who’d suffer with such actions. Don’t worry, I don’t hate you; I’m not angry with you either. In fact, all I can say is thank you. I give you my deepest gratitude for all the things that you’ve done, and have failed to do. Thank you for disliking me, for showing that you take pleasure in my getting embarrassed. You don’t like me, that’s what I am certain of, despite your comfortable words… There’s a hidden motive inside. I’m not dim-witted, you know, not to notice. Sometimes I can see that every time I fail, you enjoy. Every time I progress, you frown. Thank you for making me feel so degraded and pathetic. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t have been what I am now. I guess that attitude of yours is what’s making me stronger. So, despite all my thanks, I want to apologize. I’m sorry that your goal to make me go down has actually become otherwise. Your deceit has made me distinguish what’s genuine and what’s not; it made me realize that there’s more to a person than the eyes can see. It made me want to stand up and prove that I can be a better individual. Thank you. 

Il Sogno: Mukuro Rokudo

As I fell into a deep slumber, I instantaneously found myself in the same, usual place where my dream often occurred. The firmament was a clear, pallid blue, with a few streaks of the gossamer clouds freely hovering above, scattered in every directions. I couldn't sight the sun standing overhead, and yet I was pretty certain it was there, since the surroundings that I was in were bright. Lush green trees secluded the land where I was situated and the crystalline water that was a few paces across me. I could feel the soft and velvety grasses against my bare foot. Where was this place exactly? It was so serene in here, almost a paradise.

I stared at myself. I wore the same sheer white dress—

"Kufufu, my [Name], you came again. I knew you'd return for me," a familiar voice spoke conceitedly.

Insidiously, I turned to the speaker's direction. There was Mukuro, a few steps away from me, smiling. There was the mischievous glint in his eyes.

I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. "What are you saying? This is a dream, just so you know. It's not something that I decide on." I paused. "Anyway, Mukuro, where is this place exactly?"

"The place for you and me." The smirk was still constant on his lips.

I had been dreaming of him for quite a long time now. It was always in this splendid haven that I didn't know existed. And this guy would always be here, as though he was waiting for me. I had once asked Mukuro who he really was, and where he resided, but he wouldn't say. He'd just tell me, "You're so excited to see me, aren't you, [Name]?" And of course, his strange chuckle wouldn't be gone. He knew who I was (to my absolute surprise), and even a few of my acquaintances, particularly Tsuna. Unfortunately, that Dame Tsuna would always be apprehensive every time I uttered Mukuro's name, for reasons I didn't know.

"You're friends with Tsuna?" I had once inquired.

"Kufufu. I'd rather you don't associate me with that Mafioso."

Gradually, I even learned about the Mafia thing (that Tsuna was a boss in his Vongola family and the likes), and about him. That Mukuro was actually in some sort of dangerous prison, and that he wanted to take over Tsuna's body to destroy the Mafia.

I sighed. What a chaotic world he was in. What if he didn't really exist? That he was only a part of my dream, my imagination, my illusion?

"I don't think you're real. Maybe you're indeed just a dream."

He walked towards me and held my cheek, smirking. "Does this look like a dream?" He removed his hand, and good thing he did, because he should have felt the warming of my face. "Soon, I'll be out on the real world, when I finally find a body to take over."

It sounded like a devious idea. "When is that?"

"Kufufu, since you're so excited, why don't you become my vessel?" But before I could protest indignantly, he added, "But of course I won't do that. It would mean that I won't be able to see you in reality." He smiled. "And you're the main reason why I want to go out and see the world…"

It made me wish that I wouldn't wake up in this dream any more.

The Stroll

Yet another story within a dream.

And so, like other dreams, some are considered eccentric and others are quite superb to be even deemed realistic. That’s why it is a dream, right? But in some, they are brimming well enough with reality that you would have thought, and sometimes wished, that it isn’t a dream.

. . . . .

Strolling or walking alone is never a solitary task for me, so when I found myself wandering around a certain market – which was quite wrong to be called as such since it literally isn’t a market in the first place; rather, a place of modern stores that would likely interest teenagers – I wasn’t much astonished. It was situated in a steep mountain (which I didn’t know at the beginning) where the weather was cold; and the surrounding was pervaded by thick mists and fogs. There were pine trees everywhere, giving the place quite a traditional feel.

The stores were of synthetic pavilion in the shade of gray and black. On one, there were numerous anime discs and posters and I have to admit that I really was tempted to stop and have a glimpse on every thing they offer. But to my absolute surprise, I didn’t and I seemed to be searching for a particular store, or to be precise, a specific thing. As I searched, I realized that I was insidiously, obliviously, getting nearer unto the interiors of the open space, thus bringing me farther from whence I came.

I was now on a place that was full of stores of necklaces and other sort of accessories. My first thought? Terrific. And I was obliged to believe that even in a dream I have real taste.

On one, there was a crimson shroud hung over the pavilion vertically, and on it, the necklaces were aligned. The necklaces weren’t of metal, rather of black thin rubber but the pendants were of silver.

I did wonder, why were they (all those people there) staring at me as I passed by, laughing wickedly, albeit soft, and murmuring something to their comrades while they have their eyes fixated on my direction? It was definitely insulting, but I decided to just ignore their childish acts. Perhaps they were envious of me, being able to walk on such a place all by myself.

And then the howling wind began to blow stronger, with a frightening whistling sound, sending tremors to my body, pulsating my heart heavily against my chest. The lofty pine trees began swaying to the music in a rhythmic pattern. In short, fear was starting to encase my being.

The laughter, which sounded more spiteful now, indeed, was also getting louder.

“We were quite successful, weren’t we?” a voice hollered. “The brat played with our little game.”

“And been a prisoner of our trap,” someone added.

“Now where can she escape?” another one said. “She has nowhere to run and she’ll die in this mountain.”

The mountain?  I scrutinized my surroundings and shuddered at the truth: Yes, I was on top, on the zenith, the summit, the peak, of such a massive mountain.

“And suffer the wrath of nature; the fury of the weather.”

Well, by then, it has already hit me. They intended to make me go inside the ‘market’ by enticing me with all those interesting things being sold in endless stores, with my mind being ordered to think, “No, that’s not what you want, look first inside!” They planned it in perfect order so by the time the of the storm’s influx, I was already in a state of the inevitable, and that I would die. But why? Why in the world would this strangers plan my death?

I couldn’t even open my mouth in protest. Oh, perfect. I couldn’t even move a single finger and my senses seemed to vacate my body. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t know… but goodness, would I really be such a loser in a dream?

Living in a Vicious Storm

Summary: A new student called Gokudera Hayato just transferred to Namimori Middle School. And the moment I caught a glimpse of him, I had been certain of one prudent thing: I wanted nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with that rebel looking guy. But then again, the more I told myself this, the more I realized that I was falling in love with him. Yes, I had to agree that it was quite fitting for him to call me a stupid woman.

Author's Notes: The first part is based on the anime (episode 2). 

Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn, but I have all rights to Kasumi, my OC.

---

PROLOGUE: The Beginning of the Storm

Kasumi's Point of View

The whole class was silent and observing; albeit they were all trying to give their best effort to repress murmuring amongst each other. Unfortunately, the girls couldn't take it any longer. They began whispering to one another in a hissing tone, and I even noticed that most of them were flustered, with a dreamy aura beaming proudly in their eyes.

I stared at the new student in front, a different spark of interest growing from the inside. He's got a silver mane, which seemed to me an absolutely eccentric hairstyle, with ferocious yet calm emerald eyes. He wore a plain red shirt under his open uniform, revealing two necklaces that were often donned by gangsters and rebels. The other one even had a gleaming pendant that appeared like a sharp blade. Were those even allowed in school? Probably not. But then again, perhaps even the teachers couldn't do anything about it. Just one furious glare from this rebel and they'd instantaneously had to shut their prattling mouths.

"I'll introduce the new student. He was studying abroad in Italy until now. His name is…" Matsumoto sensei began as he motioned to the new student. His face expressed a hint of apprehension. "Gokudera Hayato kun."

"Wow, he's so cool."

"On top of that, he moved from another country."

"Where should you sit, I wonder?" Sensei scrutinized the room.

Oh no. I stared blankly at the empty seat on my right, chest tightening. He couldn't be possibly sitting beside me. The moment I caught a glimpse of him, I had been certain of one prudent thing: I wanted nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with that rebel looking guy. His mere presence spelled peril.

"There." the teacher pointed, which I feared, on the desk beside me. I heaved a sigh. I sat on the farthest end corner of the room, right next to the wall, and the only one that had been there ever since school since started. Not that it mattered; I actually liked to have the huge part of the room to myself. And now this new student would be sharing the lovely wide space with me. Marvelous.
The said Gokudera Hayato started strutting in slow steps toward his seat. But all of a sudden, he halted in front of Tsuna, who was then staring at Kyoko with full attention and wide, flabbergasted eyes.

He turned to Gokudera. "Huh?"

But the rebel only glared at Tsuna as though he'd done him the gravest of all crimes.

The whole class fell hushed at this show of unexpected behavior. Did Tsuna know this guy? I doubt it. The idea seemed highly improbable.

Tsuna glanced around innocently, as though he was pleading for help amongst the others. "W-What?" And then, finally, he realized what the problem was. Sometimes this guy's stupidity was amazing. He pointed at himself. "M-Me?"

Gokudera kicked Tsuna's desk imperturbably, sending the poor boy thrusting on the floor as he gave out a yelp of surprise that sounded like a shriek of an over excited woman. Tsuna looked utterly perplexed, making me compelled to believe that he didn't know what the guy's problem was any more than we did.

"Gokudera-kun! Your seat is…" Sensei wailed. "Gokudera-kun!"

He walked away nonchalantly towards the empty seat beside me. I gulped, though I hadn't the faintest notion why. Luckily, he didn't take heed on my presence. He sat down on the wooden seat silently, without uttering another word. The only thing that he did was stare on Tsuna's direction furiously.

The murmurs from the girls began again.

"That's his good part!"

"His scariness makes me go numb!"

"We're definitely making a fan club!"

"But why is he sitting with Kasumi?"

At this, they threw me deadly glares. What in the world was their problem? As if I wanted my current state. Of all things that I'd wished for, sitting with a dangerous guy was definitely not on the list.

---

Strangely enough, there was an astonishing turn of events the next few days. I didn't really know that such things were actually possible to happen. First of all, Gokudera and Tsuna became friends. The rebel even began saying non sense things such as "Tenth" and "I'm his right hand man." What in the world did those mean? Second, I was insidiously dragged to the wildest world that ever existed. All of a sudden, I was a part of Tsuna's family, I met all the members in it (odd and dangerous babies included) and I would always be wherever they literally were. Fortunately, despite all these predicaments, Yamamoto would be there by my side, and it felt really warm and good to have a friend share such troubles. Not that I disliked the new things taking shape, they were even fun and exciting at times. But the worst part of it all was him…

Gokudera Hayato.

I had tried to befriend him, since it would be quite peculiar if he was the only one I didn't talk to, or at least, try making acquaintances with. It wouldn't be virtuous of me if I purposely left someone out, whoever that person was. Unfortunately, the guy also wanted nothing to do with me. But we just couldn't go on avoiding each other. We were almost always together, sometimes, even alone. Hai, alone.

"Where do you live, Gokudera?" I inquired. The two of us were walking together home from school the first time, I know, the idea was almost impossible, because the others had gradually began leaving the group one by one as they reached their own homes. First Yamamoto, the Sasagawa siblings, and then Tsuna, making me and the rebel the only one left behind. This was the day that I began to be a part of the family, a few days after I first met him.

"Stupid woman, will you just shut your freaking mouth?" he yelled at me.

"Look who's talking, octopus head. You're the one who's shouting!"

"What the hell did you just call me?"

I grinned at him. "I learned it from Ryohei senpai. Isn't it a splendid name?"

"That turf head! He's putting something stupid into another fool's head!"

I could already sight our house a few yards away, secluded by a few abundant green trees. But where did he actually live? No, more importantly, why was I worrying over it?

"I live there," I said, pointing.

He snorted. "Like I care."

But then again, why did he hate me so much? No one has treated me with disdain as high as this. It really disturbed me greatly. What could I have possibly done?

"Look, Gokudera, have I done you something wrong?" I asked. "You're always so angry with me… if ever I did, I'm sorry—"

"Just leave me alone and don't bother my life!" he said, visibly annoyed. It was so intense that I couldn't even speak another word. "People like you…"

He already started to walk swiftly away from me, his hands on his pocket, and by then I was already in front our iron wrought gate, albeit by that time I didn't notice at all. I was too occupied by my wandering thoughts and by one particular question: Why did he hate me so much?

---

One day, we were all clustered around the Sawada household. I was in charge of taking care of the children as Nana san and the girls did things in the kitchen. Whatever the boys were up to, curse them for making me do this strenuous task all by myself.

The sun stood high overhead, sending golden streaks on the lush, greenery on the backyard, with velvety clouds flanking the huge ball of fire in an arching direction, almost as if they were trying to entrap it inside. It gave off a wonderful and familiar warmth, and trickles of perspiration on the faces of the two children running around wildly, playing their juvenile hearts out, in front of me.

I sat on a chair a few paces away from them, not taking my eyes off the two. Imagine, I even became a baby sitter? Just nice. How did I become a member in this family again? But before I could ponder deeply on the subject, I-pin's sharp cry broke my thoughts. I headed towards them at once.

"Lambo, give me back my candy!" she said, chasing the cow.

"Give it back to her!" I ordered, running also, but I was way ahead than I-pin.

Lambo ran further and then he spared a glance back. "Gahaha! Play with us, Kasumi! You are Lambo san's subordinate!"

"Lambo, stealing things is not good!"

"This is Lambo-san's now—" He stopped when he tripped on a twig of a branch. He fell flat on his face, still clutching onto the candy, his rump sticking up disgustingly. That was the least of my problems. A violet tube sprung out of his bulky head, and before I could run for my life, the said thing plummeted on me, engulfing me completely.

---

I found myself in a white room and peaceful. An unfamiliar coldness was traveling on my skin, sending tremors to my spine. When I scrutinized my surroundings more closely, I realized that I was inside a hospital room. I lay in the soft bed, with a sheer cloth covering me.

I bolted upright immediately. Just why in the world was I here? The last thing that I could remember was that I was chasing that fool cow boy when a tube emerged from his head, swallowing me. Wait, swallowing? That couldn't be possible; perhaps it struck my head so badly that I had to be brought to the hospital. This was the entire cow's fault. But then again, there didn't seem to be any problem. I was perfectly fine.

Still bewildered, I jumped out of the bed and went outside the room. To my absolute surprise, I saw a guy walking towards me. He was about in his early twenties. He wore an elegant looking suit and he had flowers and fruits—

This couldn't be.

He had a silver hair, almost gray, and willful green eyes, though it seemed less fierce than they usually were. At my sight, he scudded faster to reach me. He couldn't be Gokudera; this guy looked a lot older. He was too tall and muscular and even… handsome.

"Kasumi, what are you doing—?" He began. "What, you're younger." There were almost tears in his eyes, though I didn't know why exactly. Perhaps it was just my imagination, because the image of Gokudera crying because of me didn't quite fit. Not at all.

"Wait, octopus head, why are you here?" I chuckled. "I am younger? You're just older! And why do you wear such formal attire?"

He frowned at this, but as I was expecting, he did not sneered at me, or yelled back an angry retort. Who was this guy? And then, there was a worried, and almost loving, look in his eyes for a fleeting moment. Perhaps I only thought that I had seen it. He dropped what he was holding on the floor and then he brought me closer to him, placing his arms around me. What was he doing? I could feel my cheeks warming, and my heart began throbbing heavily against my chest.

Why was he suddenly hugging me? I should have broken free, but for some reasons I couldn't quite decipher, I didn't.

"You're safe," he said softly. "When you return to your world you should try avoiding me as much as possible. Stay away from me. I would only endanger you. "

"What are you saying? Stop speaking in riddles."

He released the embrace. "I don't know why you're here, but you better be propped to bed."

"Go to bed? I'm perfectly fine."

He carried me and placed me on his arms as though I was but a child.

"Gokudera, I order you to put me to down! Octopus head, what are you doing?" I yelled and kicked violently, up to no avail.

He kicked the door (I had left it open) and sighed. "Stupid woman, you're so stubborn."

It was definitely him. Nobody heartlessly addressed me as stupid other than that rebel guy. At least now, I could be certain it was really him, not his older brother or something. He placed me ever so gently back to bed, and then he sat on the chair beside me.

He placed his hand in his silver hair. He looked annoyed. "What the hell happened to the past? What brought you here?"

I sat upright. Our eyes were leveled now. "Past?" I mimicked. "I don't know what you're saying, you re—"

"Hayato," he interrupted. "My name is Hayato, Kasumi."

The sound of my name coming from his lips felt oddly— how should I put it? — good and comforting. But wait, he wanted me to call him by his first name? Whatever was his problem?

"Why should I call you that? And why are you calling me Kasumi?"

Why was he so kind to me? Didn't he hate me? Several questions that I didn't know how to answer flooded my head like a wave of surging water.

"Is the younger version of you really that of a fool not to realize such a simple thing?" He was getting irked again, but there was no real fury in his features. "It's because…" He brought his face closer to mine, that I could almost feel his breath.

"What are you doing—?"

But before his face could be any nearer, I felt my self vanish. And I wasn't speaking figuratively. Literally disappeared. I didn't know if that's even possible, but it's actually what happened. And then, with a start, I realized that I was back on the Sawada household. I was seated in the couch and everyone was staring at me curiously, with a worried expression sculpted on their faces.

"What happened?" I asked, a bit frightened.

And they thus explained everything. The violet tube was actually called the ten year bazooka. And what it did to me just then was that it brought me ten years in the future, and my other older self switched places with me in the process, so she had been here in the present while I was on the future. The whole thing would only be for a mere five minutes.

That would mean that the future me was in the hospital? What happened? Suddenly what Gokudera had said was starting to make sense. So that was why he spoke that way. He knew I was from the past. Well, his past.

"The future you looked like she was in a really bad condition," Tsuna said in a quivering voice.
I managed to stare on Gokudera's direction. He didn't seem to be much interested on what was going on. He even looked angry, frowning and all.

When you return to your world you should try avoiding me as much as possible. Stay away from me. I would only endanger you.

I had just caught a glimpse of the future, and what my eyes first behold was, ironically, Gokudera. He was so different; imagine, he even gave me a warning that concerned my safety. But because I was prone to disobedience, I found myself wanting to know more about this guy I had first hated, and without fully realizing it, I was soon falling for him, despite his evident showcases of indifference, displeasure and hatred. Yes, I had to agree that I was as stupid as he often malevolently implied.

---

If you enjoyed this and you want to read more, click here.