High School

Last night, my friend said, "I really regret it right now. I wish I was able to spend my free time in high school wisely, doing the things that I enjoy but couldn't do now in college."

I thought about this. I suppose I couldn't really say the same thing for myself. I would admit, I was very lazy when I was still a high school student: I never studied after classes; most of the time I would do my assignments the morning before I go to school, or when I was already in school; I would only study for an exam the day before it, and so on. All I did then was read a bunch of books (Who on earth would regret doing this?). I was actually scolded more than once for being caught reading a novel while the teacher was discussing in front. Shame, I know, but hey - I loved every minute of it. Aside from that, I would spend hours surfing the net, watching anime, and reading manga. I always had something to do, and the majority of those stuff were unrelated to academics. I would practice playing the violin, I would continue writing my novel, I would start on a new story, etcetera. In a way, I was quite productive for a highschooler.

I miss those times. I haven't resumed writing my novel for almost a year now. Back when I was still a UPLB student during the first semester, I made sure that I would write at least a chapter a week, or every two weeks. I was very motivated, I was being a creative writer once again. But today, I don't think I'm capable of pulling off such a feat, what with the tedious and stressing second semester.

I absolutely miss watching anime continuously, as if there weren't tomorrow. I was very updated back then; but now, I am so behind several series, so much so that my brother seems to be more of an otaku than I am. I have copied a lot of animes from him, but whether I'd have the time to watch them or not is still the question.

I need to start now: watch one episode of Kuroko no Basuke, despite the fact that I still have to study for physics and math. I need something to cheer me up.

The Perks of Being an Introvert

Being an introvert really sucks big time, I'm telling you. Sure enough, in certain instances, it has its own advantages. A lot of people I know, of course, are aware of my introversion. It can be a fairly handy excuse whenever I don't attend parties, skip the class gatherings, and so on. But I can say that only my closer friends would be understanding enough; some could never comprehend the whole thing, primarily because they haven't the slightest notion of what it really is to be an introvert. Indeed, it can save you from a lot of trouble at times - instead of going to some celebration, I could just stay at home and read a good book, or listen to music. I never had problems with having to remain quiet for hours. I could bear that. I'm the type who has a pretty wild imagination as well: my mind is never idle. Furthermore, I never complain about being bored as hell when I'm alone. Being in solitude actually offers me a wide range of things to do, most of which I cannot enjoy when I have company.

However, as is obvious, I don't love this attitude of mine all the time. It stresses me, it drags down my already relatively low confidence, it makes me anxious . . . and all the other emotions I wish I can avoid, but never could. In a way, it's perfectly understandable, though. Occurrences such as these would only happen whenever I'm with people, or would have to try utterly hard to socialize. It never stops, it happens everyday, it happens all the time. It haunts me in my sleep. Unfortunately, some moments would be even worse than others. I would end up secluding myself, wishing I could go home, wishing I could write all my emotions down on a sheet of paper, wishing I could cry to release all this sadness. 

Perhaps today would be the first for the year 2014. No doubt, it annoys me to even think about my sheer awkwardness, my damnable introversion, my intense shyness, and everything else despicable about myself. I often wish I could turn back time and try to be more sanguine, greeting the elderly always, befriending everyone, smiling all the time. 

I wish I could. I really do.

But it's too late now.

Dreams and Inspirations

Due to the thoroughly stressing academics in my previous semester, I was not able to "fangirl" as often as I used to. For the first month, sure, I was able to read some manga, but I couldn't go on because I was too busy, trying to keep up with my demanding workload. However, I managed to be productive in terms of my literary side. Despite everything, I was able to read eight novels for the first semester (all of which are classics). I also had several realizations and epiphany, thanks to my GE class, English 11. Taking that subject up was one of the best things I could have done - it reminded me of the things I loved but I had neglected as years passed by. Thanks to that course, I was able to revive my passion in poetry. And it is with much pride that I shall tell you how enormously I have improved in writing that form of literature.

Since my first semester in UP Diliman was dedicated to that aspect of my life, I decided to focus this time on my "fangirling" tendencies. The flame inside me strengthened this Christmas, wherein I watched Japanese dramas and read manga. Before, I was utterly certain that I would take up Spanish this summer (because I really want to be able to read Marquez, or Neruda, or Fuentes, etc, in that language). Although Nihonggo was my first love, I was able to put it aside in my mind for a while because of the strong influence literature has imparted on me (I am a huge fan of Latin-American lit). But, as you might have guessed, that plan has changed. This summer, I will take up Japanese from the UP Department of Linguistics. In fact, it has been a massive motivation for me to study for physics during the vacation. 

Why?

Learning the Japanese language opens a lot of opportunities, that not need be said. Not only will it cater to my intense addiction to anime, manga, and Jdrama, it can be the way for me to pursue one of my dreams: to study in Japan. Whenever I would take a break from studying, I would visit the website of Tokyo University . . . And all of a sudden, I would feel very giddy. Of course, I doubt I will be studying to such a prestigious school, but goodness, as long as it's in Japan, I'm content. It could be an exchange student program (albeit I don't really think someone like me will be chosen), or perhaps my masters. To be able to fulfill this yume though, the first step is to learn the language. Every year, I will formally study Nihonggo until I have exhausted the extramural classes from the Department of Linguistics. I would practice by listening to Japanese music (which I already do), and by watching anime or drama. I really, really want to watch a series in Japanese dub! That would be amazing.

Aside from that, one thing to further my fangirling is to watch anime frequently, or to read manga. I have copied numerous series from my brother and I would really try to slip in some time to watch an episode or two before I sleep. Currently, I am watching Kuroko no Basuke; yes, I know, I'm such a failure for only watching it now, but I was completely behind being an otaku last year, as you are aware of. It's a very good thing to motivate me to study, because, at the end of the day, despite all the hardship and my effort, I know I will have something great to look forward to.